2 A.M. at The Cat’s Pajamas: Dealing with the Unexpected

This post was inspired by 2 A.M. At The Cat’s Pajamas by Marie-Helene Bertino, a novel about hope, love, and music in snow covered streets of Philadelphia. Join From Left to Write on August 28 we discuss 2 A.M. At The Cat’s Pajamas. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

2AM-at-Cats-Pajamas-FL2W-Book-Club-Banner

 In the book Madeline’s life changed forever with the death of her mother and she had to change her everyday life. It’s no secret that I had a miscarriage, so it is probably no secret that Nick and I have been trying for almost year to get pregnant again. I wish I could end this post with a ta-da, I am pregnant, but I can’t.

I hate saying this, but I got pregnant easily the first two times. The first time I was on the pill, and it was a shock to say the least, but now I have a happy and healthy 3-year-old, and I would not change a single thing. When Nick and I discussed having a second baby, without a lot of effort I was pregnant again. Just like that, I wasn’t. It  was the worst thing I have ever been through.

Now with B starting pre-school it is really hitting me hard. I never expected to have this time to be by myself. Having a few hours a day where I could pretty much do anything is completely unexpected. Many people tell me that I will figure it out, because hopefully soon enough that will change. And I get it, I do, but this wasn’t the plan, and I hate that I couldn’t control this.

IMG_8698I mean, who wants to spend a minute away from this guy?

On top of all this, Nick and I have been seeing an RE (reproductive endocrinologist) to figure out exactly what is wrong with me, and it is never an easy process, is anything.., and one that I am not quite ready to put on this blog because I am still dealing with the process that we are going through and some of the diagnosis we were given.

I know in life things never go how you plan and you have to roll with the punches, so here I go, attempting to let life guide me and not the other way around…

 

 

14 thoughts on “2 A.M. at The Cat’s Pajamas: Dealing with the Unexpected

  1. I hate to hear you phrase it as “what’s wrong with me”. There’s nothing wrong with you, you’re an awesome person, something just isn’t working right now. I know it sounds cheesy but sometimes I’ll find myself saying “what’s wrong with me?” or “why can’t I do this” and it helps me to reframe it into something like “why isn’t this working right now?” or “what is the reason for this?” It just is a big mental blow to put everything on you and even just thinking that way can really affect your mood!

    • I mean technically my body isn’t working the way it should to get pregnant, but I know, writing it like that is not the best way to deal with it.

  2. Wow – I’ve been through what you’re going through, and I know it’s hard. I hope it works out for you, but sometimes life does just take us by surprise. I think there is a bit of a trick to allowing oneself to take it as it comes – you just never do know.

  3. It sounds like you have a community on this blog to support you. Those hours to yourself does feel weird at first. Don’t feel like you have to do something with them.

  4. I have some health stuff I’m going through right now and it’s been a definite struggle. I hope after a doctor appointment and biopsy next week I get some answers. In the meantime, I’ve been waffling between self-pity, ignoring what’s going on and trying to stay positive. I’ve also been listening to back episodes of the Professor Blastoff podcast. It’s absolutely stupid in the absolute best of ways – I find myself crying laughing often and looking like a crazy person while I am in my car or at work, trying to keep a straight face. Comedian Tig Notaro is one of the hosts and she talks about a four month stretch she had that included diagnoses of pneumonia and C DIFF, her mother dying, a break-up and breast cancer. (I cannot imagine…) But her attitude is so wonderful and I try to remember that when I get down. I offer that not as advice, because I am in no place to offer some, but I would recommend checking out the podcast. If nothing else, it might bring some levity to your day!

    • Thank you, Kate! I am going to check that podcast out, if anything, it is great to laugh every day :). I hope that you received your answers and that things are looking up!

  5. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, and you did NOTHING wrong. Miscarriages are so common, and now people are FINALLY talking about them. My sister in law had two miscarriages in a row, after having two unplanned healthy kids. And now finally had her third. Most of the women I know who have tried, or are trying, to conceive, have had some issue somewhere along the way. What’s important is your amazing support system, your awesome guys at home :) And your friends and family.

    • Thanks, Jo-Ellen, you are 100% right, people are just starting to make this a conversation instead of something to be ashamed of! I am so thankful for my wonderful support system, every single day!!

Leave a Reply