This post was inspired by 2 A.M. At The Cat’s Pajamas by Marie-Helene Bertino, a novel about hope, love, and music in snow covered streets of Philadelphia. Join From Left to Write on August 28 we discuss 2 A.M. At The Cat’s Pajamas. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.
In the book Madeline’s life changed forever with the death of her mother and she had to change her everyday life. It’s no secret that I had a miscarriage, so it is probably no secret that Nick and I have been trying for almost year to get pregnant again. I wish I could end this post with a ta-da, I am pregnant, but I can’t.
I hate saying this, but I got pregnant easily the first two times. The first time I was on the pill, and it was a shock to say the least, but now I have a happy and healthy 3-year-old, and I would not change a single thing. When Nick and I discussed having a second baby, without a lot of effort I was pregnant again. Just like that, I wasn’t. It was the worst thing I have ever been through.
Now with B starting pre-school it is really hitting me hard. I never expected to have this time to be by myself. Having a few hours a day where I could pretty much do anything is completely unexpected. Many people tell me that I will figure it out, because hopefully soon enough that will change. And I get it, I do, but this wasn’t the plan, and I hate that I couldn’t control this.
On top of all this, Nick and I have been seeing an RE (reproductive endocrinologist) to figure out exactly what is wrong with me, and it is never an easy process, is anything.., and one that I am not quite ready to put on this blog because I am still dealing with the process that we are going through and some of the diagnosis we were given.
I know in life things never go how you plan and you have to roll with the punches, so here I go, attempting to let life guide me and not the other way around…