Some days I sit back and think, how did I get here? To this weight, to this unhappiness with my body. It took a long time, but it goes back farther than I wish it would.
Let me state that this isn’t a poor me post, it’s a how did we get here post, so that I never let this happen again.
I was pretty feisty as a kid. I was extremely short, I ended up taking growth hormone for 8 years since I had none of my own. Because of my height I was picked on a lot, and instead of leaving it to teachers, I fought back. And since kids are just mean, a lot of them would call me fat.
Age 7 or 8:
Ignore the bad hair and bathing suit.
Then as I got older, and finally started to grow, I thought I would get thinner, you know because I was actually getting taller, yet kids were still mean. The older I got the worse the comments got. It started also coming from friends and family members.
People may remember events differently to feel better about themselves, but very close friends and family members would comment all the time about how fat I was and how I would never get a boyfriend because of my weight.
In high school I finally hit my peak height, I started running and playing soccer to stay fit, but to most of my friends and family I was still the fat friend. I let these words rule my thoughts. I let boys that seemed interested in me walk all over me because I thought no one would ever love me because of my weight.
This is what I looked like in high school:
I’m on the left:
Also ignore the bad hair and outfits.
Looking back, I was not fat, by any means. I realize now that these people felt bad about themselves and took it out on me. But it took me a long time to realize that.
I endured a lot of verbal and emotional abuse. I let people take advantage of me because I thought it was the only way people would like me.
It wasn’t until I met some girls, 2 in particular, in my sorority that I realized I was enough for someone, and I gave too much to these crappy friends & family back home. But it was college, and I gave into the partying and hanging out with friends and ordering pizza at 1 am. While I don’t regret it, I wish I had thrown in some exercise.
Then I met a boy, who would become my husband, he made me feel like more than enough. I was beautiful and he saw through all my crap and still loved me.
I had already gained weight because of the party lifestyle and the added stress of losing a best friend led me to eating my feelings during my final year in college.
I eventually took matters into my own hands, I got a trainer, I joined a gym and I started eating healthy.
I rebounded from an emotional problem and started liking the way I looked. I know I can rebound from how I am feeling now, because I have friends who support me, a family that supports me, and a family to be healthy for.
To me becoming fit isn’t just about being skinny. It’s about having a better life, it’s about being happy with who you are as a person. I want to lose weight and become more fit, but I love who I am on the inside. I’ve learned to let the “bad apples” out of my life and to let the good ones in, and to only listen to them.
Part of the reason I wrote this is because I see all these moms losing all their baby weight in a matter of weeks. That just isn’t me, but this is a reminder that I can get there, and that I am more than just a number on a scale.